Days 17 - 20 Post-Op: Bubble Vision Liberation

February 9 - 12, 2013

I have yet to get used to writing 2013. That's my biggest error when I proofread my posts. Takes me back to school papers and assignments...

"Put your name, date and subject in the upper corner of your paper!"

I have been dating these posts myself. Yes, I am aware that in the Internet world things are dated whether you ask for it or not. So it seems redundant, yes. But it reminds me, as I write it out, just how much time has passed.

Nearly at the three week mark since my second surgery. Nearly at the eleven week mark since my first surgery.

But most importantly, I am having one of the most crucial appointments yet.

In the brief moments I have been able to lift my head up take to administer eye drops and make a feeble attempt at stretching my neck out, the person I see in the mirror generally makes me shudder. Swollen eyelids. Red dents and creases from the face pads. A lovely line of acne that decided to set up camp reflecting the shape of that very face pad. Puffy upper lip. Lines of red, irritation work their way towards the iris of my left eye. Eyelashes point in unnatural directions from the swelling. A lonely, resilient stitch still protrudes a little on the outside edge, bothering the delicate and gentle inside of my eyelid. A large, black hole resembles my pupil.

"Am I still pretty?"

"Of course, more than ever," Ryan answers sweetly.

For about four days now, it seems the bubble has been filling about half of my eye. I've been patiently waiting for my "ah-ha" moment where my vision breaches the line of the bubble and I can see into the cluttered, disassembled living room I've been spending my days in.

As of Monday afternoon, it had yet to happen. Glimpses of the world are exposed if I tilt my eye just so, but nothing of any clarity has come through. The past few nights, my mind has been fraught with the idea that when I have my "ah-ha" moment, what if I can't see? What if the vision is damaged? What if in an instant my retina comes off? I never said it was rational thinking.

"This next week will be very revealing. We will see if as the bubble decreases so dramatically in size, if your retina will remain flat on its own. It is very important for you to remain face down for this next week to give the bubble the chance to keep it flat as long as it can."

I have followed Dr. Grodin's directions to an obsessive degree. If this bubble needed to stay against my retina, I was going to keep it there as long as humanly possible. My drops had been decreased to twice a day, so I will give you one guess at how many times I would lift my head.

Twice a day. Well, sometimes three or four times but never more, and usually only twice.

I was going to keep that retina flat and keep the potential for a cataract away if it was the last thing I did.

Three weeks ago, all I thought was, "just get me through two weeks."

Last week, two weeks turned to three. If you would have told me at the start of my two weeks, "hang in there, but its actually going to be three weeks, not two," I would be dictating this to a therapist as I sit in a padded room. But that didn't happen, I went crazy but not crazy enough to get me admitted.

Tuesday came and went. Small decreases in size. That's all I still see. I was told it is probably because I am so I tune to what I see and I analyze it so much. That hits the nail right on its head.

Top view: normal
Bottom view: looking face down through
the bubble

Wednesday morning.

"Where are we?"

"Mile marker 72.6."

I was asking every mile or two where we were. What am I supposed to do when I can't look out the window for myself? Twenty minutes later and repeating that question five times, we pull up to the doctor's office.

"Decrease to 50% time face down."

I was being released from my captivity! It finally happened. I could have 12 hours up, but still needed to do 12 hours face down. But hey, I will take anything I can get at this point. No infection, good eye pressure, no sub retinal fluid, NO DETACHMENT.

One more week. One more week until I may get all of my time back. But for the next week, every minute of my 12 hours of free time up is like gold.

Does it shock you that I have a stop watch to time my 12 hours to the second? It shouldn't at this point.

Three weeks to the day since surgery number two. What a whirlwind it has been.