The Aftermath: Days 8 through 14

Demember 7, 2012 - December 13, 2012

Days 8 - 14: A sign of hope.

Humor. How do you find that right now? Is it funny; funny to not look forward to things each day?

I didn't want to go out to a store. Which was aided by the fact I couldn't drive, but I didn't want people to see me. I was also scared that doing things at all would slow or cease my progress (or lack thereof the week prior).

So I sat. Sat on the couch. Still staring at the ceiling.

Light was too bright. I kept all the blinds closed. It was like a dark cave that I hid in. And it was beginning to become a cave both literally and metaphorically.

Darkness- very cave like.

That isn't the sad part.

The sad part is that it became the only place that I felt comfortable. Somewhat comfortable at least. I didn't want to go anywhere at all. Not even out to have dinner for a friend's birthday. It literally scared me to leave my apartment.

The week between these appointments, I spent my time consumed with what would happen at the next appointment. Not to mention the fact that I was tapering off of the prednisone. The pain started when that happened.

Starting as a dull ache in the small area below my left eye, it would slowly escalate and gravitate around my entire eye. It would become so intense that I found myself only being able to get through each bout of pain by clenching my fists and closing my eyes. 

It would stop me dead in my tracks or in the middle of a sentence. 

At first it was a couple times an hour. Then it was 5 or 6 times an hour. Then it grew to so frequent that I didn't even want to open my eye or look around a room. It was hard enough to look around BERORE the pain. Now it was impossible.

I started taking 4 Advil every 6 hours. That helped but didn't completely resolve it. The doc said I could have a prescription for pain killers.

No, I said. No. I'll beat it.

The week crept by.

Appointment day arrives. Hungry? Negative. Nervous was the only feeling consuming me that day.... Again...

Just when I thought it was hopeless. I actually cried on the way to the appointment with Ryan. I just wanted to hear that the fluid went down.

"I couldn't be more pleased. I'm delighted with the decrease."

Remember when I said I clung to words the doc told me two weeks ago? I did it again. To the words he had just told me. Finally some good news!

Not to mention the fact that he said with this progress, surgery was not even on his radar! It feels so weird to relive that idea as I am now only a week away from this surgery I dreaded so much.

I left feeling like I had been given a new lease on life.

And, as seen below, my eye was really starting to look better. By the end of the two week period since surgery, the yellow coloring was gone and the redness in my eye was decreasing at what seemed to be a daily rate.

AT LAST something was going my way. I was still experiencing all of the horrible side effects from the medicines, but I had hope when I walked out of the office that day. 

No more jaundice-y look!