Days 36 - 42: Getting the news. Again.
It was inevitable. There was so much riding on this appointment. But in my heart of hearts I knew what was going to happen. There hadn't been a change in my fluid level for weeks, and there was no sign that it was going anywhere.
The days leading up to my appointment on January 10 came and went. And now I watched the clock all day on Thursday. Every hour that ticked by seemed to go faster than the last, and took me that much closer to what I knew what going to happen.
"Shallow...persistent...subretinal fluid."
Words I knew I'd hear but didn't want to. My heart sank. But not as far as I thought it would.
What I think was the best thing in my situation was that I had more time than last to prepare. Both prepare at home (there would be a lot I have to do) and to prepare emotionally and mentally. I had been doing that over the past week or so prior to the appointment, knowing that this appointment could inevitably end with my John Hancock on a paper that allows another person to stick surgical instruments in my eye. It helped a lot.
We all talked in the exam room about the surgery for a long time. A vitrectomy. Three small instruments would be inserted via tunnels (that is NOT the technical term) that they insert in the white part of your eye. The small gauge needles are hollow and allow them to put the instruments they need in your eye. Two on one side, one on the other. They go in, take out the vitreous gel in my eye. They have to pull it off of my retina. This can cause more tears, and with my lattice, it can be even more risky. It can be fixed if it happens, so that's the good part. Once the vitreous is gone, he also sucks out all of the fluid that is left behind my retina, the stuff preventing it from laying flat. Being young, my vitreous is more like molasses rather than water (naturally as you age, your vitreous becomes more watery), so it may take longer in me than it would in a 70 year old patient to suck it all out. Once the fluid is completely gone, the doctor will ensure the retina is laying completely flat. He will then apply the laser to the detached area, and all of my areas of lattice. This will begin creating scar tissue to adhere it to the back of my eye. Once he is completely satisfied and has sealed all holes, a gas bubble is inserted in my eye. This fills a portion of my eye and requires a face down position for up to two weeks. Some gas bubbles dissipate quickly, but he thinks he will be using a longer acting gas that will take about two weeks to disappear. Laying face down keeps the bubble pressed against the retina, keeping it in place while the scar tissue forms. That's the surgery in a nut shell.
Every question I had was answered. (Patients- I recommend coming in with a list of questions. I swore to myself I'd always remember what I wanted to ask and I always forgot. This time I was prepared- I had a LIST. I had also done a lot of research prior to the appointment so that I could go in as educated as possible).
Countdown to surgery: January 23rd. GO.
Instead of having to rush off to Doctors Express for a physical for surgery clearance, I had almost 2 full weeks to prepare.
I decided I couldn't change what happened. I couldn't change what was going to happen. But I COULD change how I reacted to it all.
I still had my moments of being upset and angry, but they were short-lived.
I had to do this but I could control things more now. I wasn't being rushed out to surgery in two days. There was nothing stopping me from enjoying the time leading up to my next surgery.
I went home feeling pretty good. It would all be okay. This was probably the first time I left the doctor's office and didn't have a nasty attitude or a look on my face like someone just stole my puppy. And we don't even have a puppy.
Here comes surgery preparation!
Is anyone a masseuse out there? I'll be in a chair for 2 weeks that will put me in a position for a massage...
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| Vitrectomy Recovery Chair? Or Massage Chair? |
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