The Hardest Day Yet: Day 1 Post-Op

I had no clue how hard this would be. I thought I was prepared. I thought I knew. Or at least had some idea.

I fell asleep surprisingly fast last night at about 10:30 pm. At 12:30 am, I abruptly woke up gasping for breath and frantically trying to get out from all of the pillows and blankets while keeping my head looking down. I was screaming for Ryan who was sleeping on the couch. He came running in and sat with me while I laid crying on the floor.

I tried to sleep again about 30 minutes later. Managed another 45 minutes of sleep before my body woke me up again gasping for air.

My mom came over at 3 am. I spent the next four and a half hours switching from the floor to the chair and back again. Awake and unable to sleep. By the time we headed to the doctor's office, I was in such unbearable pain that every bump in the road sent shooting pains up and down my entire spine. There was not a single position that felt even moderately ok.

The appointment was great. No sign of infection and my retina is ATTACHED. The gas bubble is at 95% and I must remain face down to keep it away from the lens of my eye so as to not develop a cataract. I love this office, I can't say that enough.

I can't see through the bubble. It refracts light very weird and the most I can see are shadows and very blurry movements. My eye doesn't look nearly as bad as after the buckle surgery, and isn't nearly as painful. The most irritating thing about it is the gritty, scratchy feeling from the sutures in the white part of my eye. But that should go away in about a week.

All in all, the pain in my neck and back is excruciating and I get very dizzy every time I shift positions, even if I don't lift my head up. It quite frankly is just miserable.

To anyone who is or will be going through this: for me, the first night was the worst, just honest absolute worst night I have experienced in my recent memories. It is worse than any of the buckle pain from surgery number one. Maybe it was my chair or the way I was sleeping. I'm not sure. Either way, just take pain meds ahead of time. Don't let the pain start before you take medicine. Get a heating pad. Use it often. Get back massages from anyone who offers. Eat in small pieces, or eat just soft food. Pudding, sherbet, mashed potatoes. Noodles are easy, too. Take clothes out and put them in stacks on the floor. Put the toilet paper on the floor. Use straws. Realistically, this will be hard. It will be very hard. Surgery was the easy part. Utilize anyone who offers to help. I had to brush my teeth over a bowl this morning. You will get dizzy. It's ok though. This is hard and you have every right to feel like it's hard. Change positions often- go from bed to chair to floor. It will keep your knees and shins from hurting in the chair, as well as your chest. It will be hard to breathe, and your sinuses will be filled with fluid. I'm trying Advil PM tonight so we will see if that helps with sleep and congestion. But again, utilize anyone who offers to help, I guarantee you will need and want it.

This entire day and last night have been hard, and each minute that passes I am one minute closer to the end. But taking it an hour at a time is all I can really manage at the moment. As the day comes to a close and the night approaches, I'm trying to prepare for the difficulties of what will soon happen.

Silver lining, day one post-op: For the first time since I began seeing Dr Grodin in November, he did NOT say I had "persistent sub-retinal fluid." My retina is currently attached!

First time looking through the gas bubble since surgery.